Losing A Loved One

My heart is broken and I am at a loss of words, writing this will be hard and I have no idea how to start.  My grandmother died February 23rd in her sleep and I am saddened beyond belief.  She was literally like a second mother to me, there for me since the day I was born until the very end. 

She was one of a kind, my grandmother, living life on her own terms no matter the consequence.  She spoke her truth, told no lies and was very much a woman of her time.  She was our rock and the foundation that our family stood on.  Because of her, we all have lives we can be proud of.  Because of her hard work and sacrifice, we can live the life we choose to live.  Because of her, I have so much to be thankful for.

She was the epitome of a matriarch.  She lived for everyone else until they could live for themselves and even then, she found it hard to let us all go.  I have to be honest in saying she was sometimes very difficult to deal with.  Most of the time she was pleasant, but the other times when she wasn't, she could be downright rude and brash and uncaring. But she always had our backs.  She would never let any of us, her children or grandchildren, suffer.  If you found yourself in trouble or needing a handout, she was the one to call. 

Now thinking of life without her just seems unreal.  We all knew the day would come when we would lose our great Mama.  She was 90 years old after all, and not all that healthy. Pills kept her alive and she was surviving from one day to the next just waiting for that day to come.  But we never thought it would come so soon, especially since we just celebrated her life a few months ago at a 90th birthday bash. 

Although I am still in disbelief, I know once I am at the funeral, it will all be too real and I won't know how to grasp it all.  A world without Mama is a world I just don't understand.  I pray she is in a better place, that all too familiar smile on her face resting in peace at last.