Sigh Of Relief

I just about shit my pants the other day when my period refused to show up on time, since for the past couple of months it had be showing up like clockwork. Never one to be regular with my menstrual cycle, I was thrilled, after having Fatty, to find that every month, at the same time without fail, my period came barging through the door to say a quick hello.

As disappointed as I was to have a period while still breastfeeding, it was definitely a welcome sight each and every month. It made me certain of one of many things... I was NOT pregnant!

So imagine my surprise when July rolled around and my period (Mrs. P) was a no show on her expected date of arrival.

Day 15 came and went. Since my period was a day late last month and arrived on the 16th, I wasn't too worried. But then day 16 came and went and still Mrs. P had not shown up. I figured I could wait another day... I would stay cool and not sweat. Day 17 and still no period. Yeah, I started to freak just around this time, but I still managed to remain calm and said not one peep to hubby (although I alluded to it somewhat).

To make matters worse, Fatty still refused to drink milk from my breast, though he would drink it if it was pumped into a bottle. But the fear that his 'strike' had something to do with me being pregnant was making me paranoid. I remember the last time my period was late. I was greeted nine months later with a 6 pound bundle of joy.

As my mind wandered to the 'what if's', my heart ached with the thoughts of yet another baby. I tried to keep my cool and look to the positives.

Three babies in 3 years, all under 4 would certainly break me, but I knew it would not kill me. I thought of how I could make a bad situation turn around and work for me. And I prayed I would never have to find out what I would do IF I were to find myself pregnant again and in the same boat I was in not so long ago.

The 18th rolled around and I have to say I was never happier to see blood like I was that day. The night before I kind of knew Mrs. P had finally decided to show up, albeit late and had me almost on the verge of a panic attack.

When other women complain about their periods, I relish in mine. I actually look forward to that time of the month. I don't get as crampy as most (though the absence of THAT feeling left me scared this time around). And I rarely ever complain about my period. Though a hassle, it's one I am willing to put up with for the 3 days Mr.s P comes for a visit. Bulky pads aside, I feel no different while on my period than on any other day.

The arrival of my period also made me realize one thing, finally clearing up lingering doubt I've had for some time; I do not want any more children. As much as I love kids and love being a mom, I am certain that I am done. Just the thought of morning sickness and pregnancy in itself makes me want to run screaming. Not to mention labor. I thank God I went through what I went through, minimal compared to other women. I have 3 very beautiful and healthy children. But I am done. And I hope God feels the same way.

So welcome Mrs. P. Come back for a visit real soon, lets say a month from now. I'll be waiting impatiently for your return. Au revoir, until we meet again.