Something Old

You know the age old saying: every little girl envisions her wedding day from the time she exits the womb. OK, that isn't age old, but it rings true, for most of us 'little girls' anyway. .

I pretended to be a stay at home married mommy with a bunch of kids from the time I could imaginary play until the time I actually HAD kids and became the real deal stay home mommy. What's missing from my fantasy turned reality. The wedding. You got me... Hubby and I aren't actually 'legally' married.

We did an unofficial spiritual ceremony years ago when we were still dating to bind our souls and make our union one of recognition before God. After all, that is how it was done back in the day right... no papers to sign, no church to attend; just you, your chosen partner and God as your witness to seal the union of two people in love.

However, as nice as that ceremony was, I still crave a wedding; a real, up to date 'todays society' wedding, with a white wedding gown, a 3 tiered cake and a dance floor.

I have gotten much better about feeling the NEED for a wedding though. When I had Boobie , I dreamt, ate and breathed weddings. I had wedding magazines, a wedding scrapbook I made of everything I just had to have at my wedding and even a selection of songs to be played on that special day. I had the day planned out, every second, down to the last good bye. I was determined to be married and feel like a whole woman... change my last name and everything.

Today, I don't need all of that, not so much. I have made peace that in our eyes and in our Creator's eyes, we are a solid union. AND I don't think I need to change my last name to feel like a real married woman anymore... they don't even do that here in Costa Rica... the woman KEEPS her last name and your kids get both mom's last name and dad's last name too. Cool, huh?

I still would love a wedding. But not for all the wrong reasons I wanted it years ago (to feel apart of society, to feel I belonged with other moms, to feel legal, to feel washed of sin). I just would love to celebrate our union with our family and friends. Plus I love a party and what party is bigger than a wedding?

So when that day comes, even though I have changed quiet a few of my views on what my wedding day should look like, I know I am still a little bit traditional deep down inside. I still want something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue (and yes, I will be strutting my stuff in a white princess dress on the dance floor with a 3 tiered cake off to the side).

And I have to say, a wedding is the celebration of NOT just a man and a woman. The better way to celebrate our wedding day is with our kids standing up there with us, as we re-commit to each other, not just as a couple but as a family.