What's Wrong With Me?

I am in some sort of flux. Not sure when it started but I feel so odd about it.

For the past few weeks, months maybe, I have been yearning for the days of my youth. OK, youth is not the right word... I am still young.... at nearly 29 I can hardly be considered old...LOL. What I mean to say is, I've been missing my teen years, my high school years, terribly. Why? I have no idea.

My life as a mom, a stay at home mom at that, is wonderful! More wonderful even, than I could have ever imagined. And this life is far more rewarding than the life I had as a high schooler and far more befitting, I might add. So why the recent (constant) nostalgia then? It might have something to do with Boobie's swim practices. I am constantly surrounded by teenagers and what seems to me like young love... inevitably so when you thrust teenagers together especially when they spend 3 hours a day in swim wear, bodies exposed.

I am NOT yearning to be a teenager in love. I am yearning for something else.... but not sure if I can fully put it into words. I am totally in love with hubby. And the past few days I have been, lets say, a bit frisky with him. But what I think I am missing is the old me.... the one who could wow a crowd. Walk into a room and get stares of admiration. The one who always felt sexy and looked great. The one with a rocking body and a to die for outfit. I am missing the old me. And I need the old me to feel young and fun and hip and dangerously sexy again. That is what I most remember about my teen years. And so that is what the yearning is for.

But I also find myself wondering about the young men. If I were their age, would they find me attractive, the old me I mean? I never had a problem attracting the opposite sex. I still don't. And every woman (if you have a damn pulse) wonders that question as I am sure some men do as well; Am I still attractive to the opposite sex, besides my partner? Could you still turn men's heads and leave their hearts racing with just one look? I think I could, if I could just have me back. I am not looking for lusting men to pursue me (eww... I get that occasionally). I am just looking for reassurance.

I look at hubby and I know just how another woman would see him... how another woman would want him. He is attractive, has a nice body and has the most gorgeous black hair you've ever laid eyes on. Plus too, he has a killer sense of humor. I know if he were single, scores of young females would be falling at his feet (he doubts this).

I just want to know that men would do the same. Ever heard the word MILF? Well, yes, ladies it's a new title many moms would love to have. And I wonder if that title could be bestowed upon me (I am sorry to admit that although the title itself is degrading, the thought is fairly nice).

So I feel in a funk sometimes, but each time I get that craving, it makes me want to work that much harder to attain a semblance of my old self again. The flirtatious, bodacious, bootylicious babe men sought after but who was unattainable because, of course, my heart belongs to another and always will. It's just nice to know you are still a hot ticket and that men's veins still pulse, their pulse still race, their hearts still flutter at the mere presence of you in a room or a slight glance in their direction. The beautiful MILF.