Good Friends Sure Are Hard To Find.

Why is it that as we get older, it seems harder for us to make friends. With kids, it's so easy. They meet, they talk, they play...boom, they're best friends. None of that complicated BS that we adults go through.

Back in high school , I had tons of friends. I was voted 'most popular' (bragging just a little bit). It really didn't take much for me to make friends back then, not to mention, everyone WANTED to be my friend. I still have some of those friends even to this day. Ok, I have one friend that I keep in contact with. We still email on occasion here and there.

It wasn't until I became a mother that I realized how hard it was to make new friends.... good friends sure are hard to find.

I was lucky enough to join a mother's group when my oldest son, Boobie, was around 7 months old. That's where I met my mom friends that I have now. We clicked instantly and we ended up doing a lot together. Parties, outings, play-dates, activities. We were with each other, in some form or another, at least two times a month. We always had something planned. It felt good having a group of friends that were mothers like me, who shared similar interests. And to top it all off, our kids got along great and were the best of friends as well. I was so happy. Those three women were my closet friends. And we stayed friends for a long time... the last celebration we had together was Boobie's 6th birthday.

Then I moved... to Costa Rica. We haven't seen each other in 3 years almost and we rarely talk. An email here and there. A phone call once a year or so. Our friendship is struggling to stay afloat. Distance can do that sometimes. Yet we still remain friends, even though with me being gone (the glue that was holding us together) they have pretty much gone their separate ways.

So I started the search for new mom friends. I have a friend here... I met her in 2000 when I came to visit. She's married to hubby's cousin. We are really good friends. As a matter of fact she is my closest friend here. But she's busy working and living her life (she has no kids so she can afford to do that...LOL).

I just want a mommy friend I can have dates with (you know, someone to hang out at the park with while our kids play and we chit chat). I need a companion I can share time with that understands the burdens (and joys) of being a stay at home mother and wife. I have yet to find such a companion.

Ok, I do have a mommy friend. She is my hubby's cousin. Like me, she is a stay at home mommy. But we see each other sporadically. And she's family. So while we can hang and talk, it's really not the same. It's too hard trying to put it into words. I don't want to come off as desperate. She has a full life and I don't want to intrude on it .So my search continues.

And it's not for a lack of trying either. I have given my number to a few perspective women who I thought could be my 'mommy friend' and it just didn't work out. I got so excited once when I met this mom while we were both shopping. I was with my kids, she was with her son and husband. The biggest plus... she spoke English. (Did I forget to mention that the language barrier does hinder my attempts at finding a friend I can relate to... living in a country where the majority of the people speak Spanish will do that). So when I met her, I was thrilled.

We exchanged numbers. I was giddy. Thoughts raced in my head about all the things we could do together. Playdates at my house. A trip to the mall to hang with the kids. Going to the playground. I could hardly contain myself. I didn't hesitate to call her, like I usually do when I meet new people. But my nerves were getting the best of me as I second guessed whether I was being too hasty or not. Imagine my disappointment when I got the brush off from my 'new friend'. I purposely lost her number and so never called again.

I have left my number with moms I met, but they never called me. I guess they just don't need any new friends right now... they have stopped accepting applications in the friend department. How lucky they are. I get nostalgic when I think back to the days when my plate was full and didn't need any new friends. And I get a little sad when I see other mommy friends out and about, hanging out at the coffee shop, having lunch while their kids play or strolling the mall together while their kids hold hands. I want that. I miss that. But my last few failed attempts at reaching out to other moms have left me a bit jaded.

I was approached one day while at the park with my daughter by a mom who, just like me, was in desperate search of a friend. Another mom she could hang with and a playmate for her daugter. I should have been excited by this new prospect. She gave me her number, even her address. AND she spoke English. But the excitement wasn't there. I was tempted... she was dangling a hook and I wanted to bite. But I didn't. I just didn't feel the sparks. I really am not trying to make friends for the sake of having a friend. I am searching for someone I can relate to. Someone I click with.

I have tried joining playgroups, mom's groups, getting more involved in activities where moms might be.... even tried being friendly with some of the moms at Boobie's school. But so far, nothing. I have yet to make a true mommy friend like the ones I had back in Boston. I guess with time, we'll see. I figure I am a pleasant enough person, anyone would be lucky to have me as a friend. But I can't force these things. They have to happen naturally and with time. So, I'll just sit back and wait. A friend will come to me once I stop looking.