What A Wonderful Age This Is.... NOT!

So my son is growing up. He's 9 (and kudos to me for getting him this far, relatively happy and healthy. Yay me!!!! *cheers* ).

Along with all the great things that come with him growing up (being more independent, helping more around the house) also come the negatives of having a pre-teen in my home.

He can be sullen. He talks back. He complains about his chores. He complains about helping with his siblings. He complains if he isn't spoiled enough (you know... if he wants something and can't have it, the world is going to come to an end kind of thing.) He gets mad, has a short temper and likes to storm off, kicking and slamming things as he goes. And the list goes on.

Notice the list of negatives seem to outweigh all the positives. Truth be told, he is a good boy. Really. But he sure doesn't act like it most of the time. He can be Dr. Jekyll one minute, Mr. Hyde the next. Or like the Incredible Hulk.... a calm, serene young man one minute, then a horrible, angry monster the next. He is a sweet boy on the outside, but underneath it all, is a really nasty demeanor. Or is it the other way around?

Behaving like a raving mad man is NOT acceptable, but at least when he gets out of line at home, I am there to remind him to step right back in his place. But when he acts out in school, I'm helpless to do much to stop it. I am not there. And so that gives him free reign to act however he pleases. The teachers are at their wits end. They don't know what to do. And after endless reports, meetings, notes home, and even switching schools, I am at my wits end too. I have done everything in my power to whip him back into shape (figuratively speaking, of course). I pile on the chores. I take away privileges (no tv, no playing outside, no video games, no playing with friends, etc, etc, etc).

But nothing seems to work. And after report cards for the last school term came in, I realized I was going to have to get even tougher.... crack that whip just a bit harder. I have racked my brain about what else to do... trying to find other forms of discipline that might work better, but my brain ends up hurting and I end with "nada".

He failed computers and by the tone of the teachers voice, she has had it with him. He barely passed English. Not because the work is hard, but because he refuses to do the work. He disrupts his classes. He talks and plays way too much. He doesn't do homework or classwork, and classwork is 50% of his grade! Last school term, he missed NINE homework assignments in English class alone. NINE!!! (That's 9).

I was beginning to feel ashamed, as a mother. I know some of it is my fault. But there is only so much I can do. At 9, he has to be responsible for some of his own actions, right?

I know some of it has to do with the age. He is not the only 9 year old I know giving some kind of trouble. And some of it has to do with his gender. He is a boy. And boys will be, well, boys! But there is a little bit of him that is just down right LAZY.

I cannot point fingers at anyone though, unless I am pointing them at myself. I know he takes after me. I have many of the same characteristics. It's what makes me me. Strong-willed, independent minded, a fighter. However, I never acted out in school the way he does. I blame his dad for that. After all, according to my mother in law, hubby was the same way in school.

The thing is, Boobie is VERY smart (just like us). As every one of his teachers have noted. In his last school, that was the problem in first grade. Because the work was so easy for him, he would finish it so quickly, he was idle. That's when he became a distraction to his peers and a disruption to his class.

However in 2nd grade, his school work started slipping. He is capable, but he refused to do the work. He just stopped caring. I figured the environment was not conducive to his learning. He had too many friends, the negative side of being too popular. And I cannot afford to have him in a private school, messing around. We PAY for his education and we expect our money's worth.

So for the following year, he started a new school. I figured things would look up. But so far, it's the same problem. How did this kid manage to have gotten on the bad side of every one of his teachers already????? He's only been in school for 3 months!!!

So now I have to come up with tools to help him focus. The task at hand is to put his school work first. His 'job', so to speak, is school. And that comes FIRST. I don't think that is too much to ask, is it? I have to keep in constant correspondence with his teachers. I have to be on top of his work. I have to check his homework, his daily agenda and his bookbag (don't get me started on how many important notices and fliers get lost in there). I have to remind him daily about good conduct in school. I am so involved to the point I feel like I am dealing with a 5 year old. Shouldn't 9 year olds be a little more independent when it comes to their work? Shouldn't he want to take pride in a job well done? I just don't understand it. I mean, he is proud when he does well on a test (which, by the way, is puzzling to his teacher, as they can't seem to understand how he does hardly any work yet still manages to pass his exams??? Mind boggling).

So until he improves, I continue to be on top of him. I continue to make sure he stays in his place. I continue to hand out consequences when he gets out of line (which is often). And I continue to let him know that I am his mother, and love him and just want him to succeed.

I'm actually looking forward to the end of the pre-teen age. Although, the teenage years don't look that promising either...