Sibling Rivalry AND Mommy Guilt!!??

When I first found out I was pregnant with my third child JUST 9 months after I'd had my second, I was not too thrilled. I was freaking out! Wouldn't you?

I freaked mostly because, well, I still had a baby. Secondly, I was not looking forward to being pregnant again so soon... I was just starting to get my body back. And lastly because I was dreading the morning sickness. With me, morning sickness is the absolute worse. I dread it more than the impending excruciating pain of labor. I get sick ALL DAY and for months. With my first, it was really bad. I lost weight and had to be hospitalized and hydrated. And with my second it was so bad, I was bedridden for like two months. I had to be prescribed a pill by my doctor, which did help after 5 months of being deathly ill.

I was so afraid the same thing would happen again. I feared I would not be able to take care of my baby once the morning sickness set in. Luckily, and "thank God", my morning sickness the third time around only lasted about a month (that's the part where I lived over the toilet or spent my days lying in bed.. and if I wasn't in bed, I was over the toilet).

Once the morning sickness wore off though, exhaustion set in. Being pregnant AND taking care of a one year old is A LOT OF WORK. It takes all the fun out of being pregnant and all the fun out of having a one year old.

This is when, I think, the first signs of jealousy emerged in my princess. She did point to my belly and say 'baby' as if she understood. But she also wanted to be held by me constantly and ON my belly. As if lying on my belly would make the baby go away. Since she was still breastfeeding, we still had that connection, but I could tell she felt as if she were about to be replaced. I denied there was any jealousy for months, but looking back now, I can see where I missed the signs. Or it could have been my guilt talking.

Yes. I felt guilty. She was our second child and our first girl. I wanted to enjoy the moments with her. It had been a long time since we'd had a baby in our home and we just wanted to focus solely on her. Our first son, Boobie, got 7 years of alone time with us. Princess only got 14 months (minus all those months of me lying on the couch, too tired to play with her because I was pregnant.)

Being pregnant the third time was VERY different. Although, hubby and I knew we wanted more kids, having our third so soon really put things into perspective for us. I enjoyed my first 2 pregnancies. But I was just too tired to enjoy the third. It also had me doing something I never did with the first two... longing for the days of 'before' and fantasizing about the days 'after' (before kids and after the kids grow up, are independent and on their own). I love kids. Well, of course I do. I am a mom. But I love having little kids. I love being needed (most days). I love how vulnerable they are. How being a mom is satisfying to the core. How most days I just sit and look at them and am amazed that they are mine, all mine. Not only did they allow me to take them home, but I get to keep them too. It's an inexplicable joy.

It's not all sunshine and butterflies all the time, though. Having a third child also made us realize what a financial burden kids can be. Not to mention how they steal your time and rob you of your personal space. But most of all, for me, having a third child so soon made me feel the guilt of not having spent more solo time with my princess, not being able to devote 100% to the new baby, and made me worry about the effects of jealousy between the two.

With Boobie, I never worried about that when I brought Princess home. As a matter of fact, I skipped over that part in my pregnancy book. Instead I focused on how he could be a helpful big brother and feel included. He was 7. Too old to feel jealous of a tiny little baby. Plus, he was more independent and liked having time to himself without the 'rents hanging all over him.

The first forms of the rivalry between Amaya, Miss Princess, and Jahel, Mr. Fatty, were subtle. Princess would maybe move him, ever so lightly, out of the way to cuddle up with mommy (that's me.) She would maybe point for me to put him down so I could lift her up. If they were both crying, she would indicate for me to tend to her first.

But then she got more aggressive. She pushes him hard, slaps him in the face and plays just a little too rough with him. She takes his toys, his blankets, his bottles, even his food and claims them to be "mine".

She pulls his hair. She bites him. She bends his fingers. She pulls his legs. She steps on him. She falls on top of him. She hits him with objects, and innocently walks away.

Sometimes, Fatty fights back. While he might just be playing, for a baby, he is pretty strong. He pulls her hair, kicks her in the face and bites her ( with gums of steel).

I feel like this is what I have to look forward to for the next few years. And they all have their days. Boobie fights with Princess, Princess fights with Fatty, and Fatty fights right back..... it's a vicious cycle that I cannot break. So time out had to be implemented. While Boobie was no stranger to 'time out', it was something Princess was not used to. And she didn't take it too well the first time.

I try not to scold Princess too much though. After all, she is still just 'my baby' too and only doing what comes 'naturally' to her...staking claim to her territory that Fatty, so rudely, imposed upon.